Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul: From Darkness to Healing and Integration

Surviving the Dark Night of the Soul: From Darkness to Healing and Integration

By BeebzSpeaks, November 1, 2024

Introduction

If you’re going through a spiritual awakening and feel like your world has been turned upside down, you might be experiencing the dark night of the soul. This phase is intense, confusing, and can leave you feeling completely lost. I know because I’ve been there. I spent over three years lost in my own dark night, struggling to keep my head above water, and questioning everything I thought I knew about myself.

But here’s the truth—this phase, as painful as it is, is a crucial part of your spiritual journey. It breaks you open, forcing you to confront your deepest wounds, traumas, and fears so that you can heal and rise stronger. It’s not easy, and it’s certainly not quick, but there is light at the end of this tunnel.

In this post, I want to share my personal experience with the dark night of the soul, as well as offer guidance on how you can navigate your own journey. My hope is that you’ll find comfort in knowing that you’re not alone and that your pain has a purpose.

What is the Dark Night of the Soul?

The dark night of the soul is a period of spiritual crisis where you’re pushed to face the shadows of your past, the unresolved traumas, and the parts of yourself that you’ve hidden away. It’s a stripping away of the old layers of your ego, your identity, and your coping mechanisms. During this time, it can feel like everything is falling apart—your relationships, your mental health, even your sense of purpose. But this dismantling is the universe’s way of helping you release what no longer serves you so that you can heal and grow into your true, authentic self.

My Dark Night of the Soul: From Apathy to Anger

For me, the dark night of the soul took me to a place I never imagined I would go. It started with complete apathy. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t take care of my son. I was overwhelmed by depression and helplessness, and I was sitting at nearly 400 pounds, unable to move. This weight wasn’t just a physical burden—it was a manifestation of all the emotional pain I had carried for years. My body was screaming for change, and I knew if I didn’t do something, I would die. This realization hit me so hard that I took medical leave from work, not just to heal emotionally, but because my life depended on it.

My house was a mess for almost two years, dishes piled up, laundry never got done, and I couldn’t even bring myself to cook. I felt like I was frozen in time, unable to move or feel anything but numbness. The extra weight only added to my feelings of being stuck, both physically and mentally.

The worst part was knowing that I couldn’t be there emotionally for my son. There were days when I couldn’t do anything but lay in bed, so the only solace I found was knowing that at least he could snuggle up next to me. I wasn’t able to care for him in the way I wanted to, but I found comfort in knowing that, physically, I was still there for him in some sort of way. I’ll always carry the pain of that time with me, and I will forever be sorry for how my own darkness affected him. I know it caused him pain, and that’s something I’ll always regret, but I now see this is how we heal the generational trauma and stop these cycles once and for all- through this darkness.

After months of apathy, my emotions shifted into anger. I was mad at everything and everyone. I was angry at the universe, at life, at myself. That anger led me to lash out, and in the process, I know I traumatized my son. That anger wasn’t really about the people around me—it was a manifestation of the deep pain and unresolved trauma I’d been carrying for years. At the time, I didn’t realize it, but that anger was a sign that I was starting to come back to life. It was messy and destructive, but it was part of the process of waking up.

Healing Through Inner Work and Hypnotherapy

As I navigated these dark emotions, I knew that the only way out was through. I needed to face my inner being, the hurt child within me, and begin the long journey of healing. I spent hours researching spirituality, healing modalities, and doing everything I could to understand why I felt this way and how I could break free. A pivotal part of this journey was hypnotherapy, which I’ve been doing for the past year. Through hypnotherapy, I was able to access deep parts of my subconscious and start healing the roots of my traumas.

One of the most remarkable things that happened as I worked on myself was the physical transformation that followed. I’ve successfully lost 90 pounds over the course of this journey—not through quick fixes, but by addressing the emotional weight I had carried for so long. I want this to be a beacon of hope for you, a reminder that true inner healing can change not just your mind and spirit, but your body too.

And while the healing journey is far from perfect, I’ve been able to integrate my inner work into my daily life. I’ve been able to keep my house clean and cook for my son and me—things that felt impossible when I was in the throes of my dark night. Yes, it’s a work in progress, but I’ve learned to surrender to not being perfect and focus on the small changes I’ve made. These small changes have added up, and they are now starting to show huge progress.

Taking Medical Leave to Go Inward

At some point, I realized I couldn’t continue living this way. I needed to heal. I took a medical leave from work, not only because I was emotionally broken, but because I was physically at a breaking point. I couldn’t carry on with the way I was living—something had to give. I had to go inward and confront the darkness that had been controlling my life for so long. I was in a state of freeze—my mind, body, and spirit were completely disconnected, unable to function normally. This period was about survival, nothing more.

I had to sit with myself and begin to unearth the pain I had buried. It was an agonizing process, but it was also a necessary one. I needed time to reconnect with my inner being, to focus on healing the deep wounds of my past, and to find some semblance of peace.

Integrating Healing Back Into Life

The next phase of the dark night, which I’m in now, is about integrating the lessons and healing back into my physical reality. And honestly? This part is just as difficult in its own way. It’s hard to feel human again after spending so long disconnected. It’s hard to get back to the tasks of everyday life—cooking, cleaning, socializing with friends and family—when you’ve spent years unraveling the deepest layers of your soul.

But the fact that I’m standing here now, sharing this story with you, is proof that healing is possible. I’ve learned to be patient with myself as I reintegrate into life. I’ve accepted that I’m still in the process and that there’s no rushing the timeline of spiritual growth. But I’m here, and that means you can be too.

How to Navigate Your Dark Night of the Soul

1. Face the Darkness Head-On

When you’re in the dark night of the soul, there’s no way around it. You have to face your shadows—the parts of you that have been hurt, neglected and abandoned. It’s painful, but avoiding it will only prolong the suffering. Be gentle with yourself as you go through this process, but don’t shy away from the hard work.

2. Allow Yourself to Surrender

One of the hardest parts of the dark night is learning to let go of control. You can’t force healing. You can’t rush the process. You have to surrender to what is happening and trust that this experience is shaping you into a stronger, more authentic version of yourself.

3. Seek Support When You Need It

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether that’s from a therapist, a spiritual mentor, or even a close friend, having someone to lean on during this time can be invaluable. You don’t have to go through the dark night of the soul alone.

4. Focus on Small Acts of Self-Care

In the darkest times, even small acts of self-care can feel impossible. But try to incorporate moments of grounding into your day, whether that’s through meditation, deep breathing, or spending time in nature. These small practices can help you reconnect with your body and find a sense of peace in the chaos.

A Message of Hope: You’re Not Alone

If you’re going through your own dark night of the soul right now, know this: you’re not alone. This process is incredibly challenging, but it’s also incredibly transformative. You are shedding the old layers of yourself so that you can become the person you were always meant to be.

I’m standing here now, having come through the darkest days of my own journey, and I can tell you that it’s worth it. You’ll come out the other side stronger, more self-aware, and more aligned with your true purpose. It’s not easy, but the growth you’ll experience is profound.

The dark night of the soul is not a punishment—it’s a purging, a necessary rebirth. You may feel lost now, but you will find yourself again, stronger and more radiant than ever before.